Wednesday, March 5

Thoughts While Querying

Now, Dear Readers, I will take you inside a writer's head while she performs the age old snail mail querying ritual. For those of you who have been there before, this may sound familiar. For those of you who haven't--yes, I need medication. I know.

And so it begins.

This paper feels thin and cheap. I should buy better paper.

Where's the black pen? Why is it that I can only find colored pens when I need a black one to match the ink on the paper? Why does this matter so much?

Damn, I can't fold a letter to save my life.

Wait, did I put the right name in the greeting?

I should triple check that all my contact info is right.*

Damn, I can't fold an SASE to save my life.

I put the correct name in the greeting, right?

~Touches SASE fondly~ Please, no offense meant, but I hope I never see you again.

I put the address labels in the right spots on the outer envelope and the SASE, right?

%&$*, I folded it wrong and it won't fit into the envelope. ~Prints out another copy.~

Where'd that black pen go?

Damn it, cat, get off my query letter!

I should check everything one more time before I seal the envelope.

I should check everything one more time before I seal the envelope.

I should check everything one more time before I seal the envelope.

Oh for God's sake, just seal it and get to the mailbox, already.

And there you have it. A little journey into the querying writer's mind. You're welcome, by the way.

*This particular compulsion is based on the very first query letter I sent out, which had my home phone number wrong. This is something that most second-graders can get right, but I, evidently, cannot. Yes, world, I AM an idiot.


  1. Yes. Every word of that was accurate. Get out of my head! :)

  2. That's hilarious! Sigh... I totally understand. Then there's also: "Wait. Did I already send one to these guys?" or "It's been two months already, what the crap is taking so long?!?! It's okay, it's okay. Deep breaths..."

  3. *phew* Good to know I'm not the only freak out there. =P What, precisely, did writers do before the internet? How did they know that they weren't crazy, and they weren't alone?

    It befuddles me.


If you don't feel that you are possibly on the edge of humiliating yourself, of losing control of the whole thing, then possibly what you are doing isn't very vital. If you don't feel like you are writing somewhat over your head, why do it? If you don't have some doubt of your authority to tell this story, then you are not trying to tell enough. --John Irving