And so I ask the Internets...

Listening to: Fallout Boy, "Homesick at Space Camp"

I came up with an idea a few months ago. At first, I was all gung-ho. Now I'm vacillating back and forth, unable to really decide. So I thought, since it involves the Internet, I would ask the Internet. I fully welcome any and all honest opinions in the comments or, if you're too shy, email me at krisbaxter AT gmail DOT com. Really, people, I need your help on this one.

So I have this little book that I wrote. And edited. And edited. And edited. And queried. And queried. And queried some more. And I mostly got rejections, although a few requests made me temporarily happy and hopeful--only to have the usual disappointment. And I love it, still, after all that. I really, truly do.

It's my third novel, to be exact. I did not experience that post-editing love with either of the first two. Not...in...the...least.

And I have this domain that I bought over a year ago. I have yet to use it. I'm waiting for The Husband to be a little less busy, so he can help me with all the aspects of website creation that I don't really get.

So I'm thinking...my list of agents to query is ever-shrinking, although I have every intention of querying each and every agent that reps my genre before I move on to another step. And that step, for the first time, might not involve trunking the novel.*

Yes, that's right. I'm thinking about self-publishing, but on the Internet. On my own website. Essentially, the idea is that I love this book and I want people to read it, or at least give it a chance. When I think about it, I think about my protagonist Hazel, who I adore in all her snarky, sarcastic, loner glory. I love Hazel, and I want people to get to know her. It's as simple as that.

I have a few promotional ideas in mind, mostly involving giveaways. Awesome giveaways, by the way, although I'd prefer not to get into them right now. That might draw at least a few people to the site, and that's really all I want. I feel the expenditure on my part would be worth that. And, as it's a YA novel, it's more likely to draw readers due to that generation's higher use of the Internet.



But then I think...maybe I'm deluding myself. Maybe the book isn't all I think it is (note: I don't think it's spectacular or anything, and I know I can do better with my next novels, but I think it's at least somewhat entertaining and quite readable). Or maybe I will, against all odds, eventually find success in this business, and regret this move, because the Internet is forever. Maybe in five years I'll hate the book and wish I'd never put it out there. Maybe everyone will hate it, and I'll get tons of horrible feedback and spiral into a pit of self-pity and depression.** What if, what if, what if.

Important Note: This would all be happening sometime around April or May. I entered the novel in question into the Golden Hearts, and so I'd wait to see if I finaled before making any serious moves. No, I don't actuallyexpect to final, but the hope exists at least. The finalist list is, I think, release in March.

And so I ask you, Internet. What do you think? To Internet-self-publish, or not? Please, honest opinions and thoughts.

P.S. If there is some positive response, I'll publish a short synopsis, essentially the meaty part of my query letter, in a future post. Not quite ready for that yet, though.


*Don't worry: I continue to work on my next novel, and will go the usual query route with that, as well. I'm not solely focusing on this one novel--writing-wise, I have moved on.

**Okay, so I have more faith in myself than that, after all the rejections, which I've learned to handle rather well. But still, the potential is there.

Getting Into It

Listening to: Scary Kids Scaring Kids, "Degenerates"

When I first started my current project -- working titled Freya -- I was excited but wary. I really wasn't sure I could make it work. The original idea seemed like it couldn't go farther than novella territory, and I could only think of two possible ways it could all end, neither of which I liked at all (hint: both involved the death of a very important character). But I was so caught up in the narrator's voice, right from page 1, that I couldn't help myself. I had to see where it went. I had to follow her down her path for at least a while, because she was just that awesome.*

Then practicality (and uncertainty) kicked in, and I abandoned Freya for another project, one that had more potential but was infinitely scarier because it was several miles from my usual stuff. It still had some of the same elements, but was also far from my comfort zone. Also, it required a great deal of research, as well as a voice I wasn't sure I could handle yet.

Then, certain that I wasn't quite ready for that particular novel, I abandoned that for another idea. An awesome, fun, different idea. That's the one I'm doing for NaNo. And occasionally in there, I'd work on the sequel to to my last novel, or the first idea I came up with after I finished the last novel. That's right, folks--last winter/spring, I had no less than five things I wanted desperately to write.

But Freya's voice still called to me. I would occasionally, feeling like a little cheater, open up the document and read the first few pages, and next thing I knew I was adding to it. She's addictive, that one. And back and forth we went, until I started my job and realized I had to commit myself to just one novel--or go absolutely crazy.

I asked two people, both of whom knew the details of all three ideas, and they both said, without hesitation, "Freya."

Somewhere in all this, I'd taken Freya in a different direction, one that had far more potential. It wasn't easy--something about the project didn't lend itself to change very well. It took a lot of long showers to get there. But I was at least somewhat confident, once I found the right path, that it had some possibilities.

I never quite fell in love like I have with other novels, though. I was addicted, yes, and I enjoyed the writing, but something held me from falling headfirst into it all. That was a problem. I need that feeling, at least for the first 30k words. After that, it's a matter of, "Well, I've come this far, I pretty much have to finish." Because, you know, once you reach the middle, it's not as fun anymore--it's a long, hard slog to the finish line, tripping over your own feet the whole way.

Freya, somehow, always surprises me. She did it every time I stealthily opened up the document last spring, certain that her voice couldn't be as addictive as I'd thought. And she's done it again now.

Because, nearly 50k words in, I'm head-over-heels. I love this damn book.

What's the change? I don't know for sure. I added a character that I really like, and that helped. And the encouragement I've gotten from those two people who pushed me to focus on Freya has helped a great deal.** Also, I've shown the first page to my brother, who is decidedly not the YA paranormal romance type. He's more the Tom Robbins type, on the rare occasions that he even reads fiction these days. He forgot to stop at the end of page 1, continued on a few more pages, then kind of woke up and realized what he'd done. "I could definitely keep reading this," he said.

Yes, I thrive on outside approval. Hey, I'm a flawed human being. What can I say.

This writing thing never fails to surprise me. Every novel is different. Whereas my last one was like a teenage romance (in the writing experience, not the genre itself), all furious adoration and the hectic joy of first love, Freya has been more like an arranged marriage with a really great guy that I didn't know. I wasn't sure it was a good idea at first, and I tried to back away. But then people pushed me toward it, and I was drawn to the challenge, and the next thing I knew, I was committed. And it took me a while, but eventually I realized its potential. And got really, really excited.

So that's where I am, now. Seven months after I started the damn thing, I finally love it.

Took me long enough.



*This is not boasting. I take no credit for her. She is awesome all on her own, with no help from me. I did not create her--she sprang fully formed from my head, like Athena from Zeus. No, I'm not comparing myself to Zeus.

**One night not too long ago, I was writing while TH was reading Twilight (yes, I'm a mean wife who makes her husband read YA when he'd rather be reading Palahniuk or Myron Cope's autobiography). I asked him how it was going, and his gaze slid to my laptop. "What are you working on?" he asked. "Freya, of course," I answered. A look of longing crossed his face. "I want to read that. Hurry up and finish." Oh, my cold little writer's heart grew three times in size that night!

Updates

Someone's actually updating her blog two days in a row. It's a freakin' miracle.

Just finished emailing Tia about our beta-reading arrangements--she finished Starcaster, and I'll be finishing my current masterpiece (she said with a hint of sarcasm)* within a month. I love how we're practically on the same schedule! I also heart my beta readers, especially Tia, who's always so insightful and eager to help. Thank God for the Internet--without it, we'd never have met!

So, here's where I'm at after this long-but-it-felt-short, crazy-and-it-felt-crazy summer...

• I'm working part time now, as I said yesterday. Sort of. They keep pulling me in on my days off, but I don't mind so much. I like my job, I like the guys I work with (yes, it's all guys--practically the story of my life), and I like my projects. Tech writing is never the most fulfilling occupation,** but the guys make it fun.
  
  
• I finally settled on a book idea for the long haul. I'm about 45k words in, with probably 15-20k more to go. I hope to have it finished by November 1, so I can participate in NaNo with one of the other ideas I came up with in that frenzy of creativity last winter. After that, I have yet another idea lined up, in addition to all the editing and submitting of the other two. I know how to keep busy, that's for sure. Or make myself crazy. One of the two.
  
  
• And another reason to finish my current project soon...I've decided to submit it to the Golden Hearts. I think it fits the description, although I'm torn between paranormal romance and YA romance. I'll probably go with paranormal, though. Fingers crossed, everybody! I'd be happy just to make it into the top 100--the GHs are so big and well known in the industry, that's a major accomplishment in itself...and certainly a nice addition to my query letter.
  
  
• Whenever I actually have time, I'll load up some of the pictures from this crazy, crazy summer. It's been quite a time, between visitors and festivals and parties. I think we overcompensated for last summer's loneliness and boredom this year. I don't think we were bored or lonely once. And I'm not complaining!

That's about it. Boy, it doesn't seem like so much when it's displayed in such an organized fashion...but trust me. It's been...a lot. And here's to more!



*I had a professor in college who frequently added parenthetical dialog tags to his own speech, just like that. After I graduated, that little quirk, oddly enough, was one of the things I missed the most!

**You can always tell I'm back at the tech writing by all the bulletted lists in my blog posts.

Back from the Grave (metaphorically speaking)

I feel like I haven't written any substantial, interesting blog posts in weeks...

That might be because I haven't, but the jury's still out on that one.

I kind of figured out why it's been so quiet here. I haven't really had a project to talk about and groan over and inspire interesting posts. I've had a few ideas, here or there, but they all got abandoned or petered out after, say, 20k words.

Then finally, a few weeks ago, something in my brain clicked, and I decided what I wanted my next book to be about. I had to wait, though--it was one of those ideas that kind of shimmers at the corner of your eye, but if you look at it directly, it'll disappear.

Yes, some of my ideas are like eye gunk. Beautiful analogy.

Anyhow, then I sat down last Saturday, finally feeling ready to brainstorm. And the idea, which had been about three words in my head, ("about a cult"), just came pouring out onto the paper. Suddenly all these characters were popping up in my head, and plot threads were branching out, and possibilities I'd never even considered were appearing.

And let me tell you...most of it is pretty scary.

Not because the idea itself is scary, but because many facets of it are going to involve stretching myself to places I've never stretched before. This is a whole new ballgame for me, folks, and I don't really know the rules.

For instance, I'm setting it outside of Pennsylvania. Every book I've written has been set here, because this is my comfort zone, and I know it. But the very nature of this book dictates that it must be set somewhere else. And I'm going to have to create that setting, not out of whole cloth but from scraps of other cloths, so to speak.*

Also, massive amounts of research will be required. I'm actually pretty good at research--I've been a college student and a journalist, so that skill has been honed pretty well--but it'll still be a giant pain. A pain I think I'll enjoy, though.

As if that isn't enough, I'll have to channel a completely different voice for the protagonist. I know this is confusing, because I mentioned in my little asterisk note below that the novel is set in the present day, but her voice will have to come from about 300 years ago. One of those it-is-but-it-isn't things.**

There are many other things, smaller things, that will crop up and make my life difficult, I'm sure. This will not be an easy book to write (of course, there's no such thing). I've explained the idea to my two sounding boards,*** though, and they're both very excited. Both of them think it could be really great. Thus, I'm utterly terrified that I'm not going to do it justice.

That's the name of the game, though, right? Do me a favor and scroll down to the bottom of this blog and read the quotation from John Irving posted there.

That's going to be my life for at least the next year.

Let the terror begin...now.


*I realize this is confusing. Let's put it this way: the setting will be in the real world, located near places that really exist, but it won't really exist. Less confusing? No? Oh well.

**No, it's not a time-travel novel. Not my thing. I'll leave you to wonder what on earth I mean, because I'm not going to explain it fully.

***Until the novel is well under way, I will not tell the full idea to anyone else. Ideas in their baby stages are very fragile, shiny things, and if exposed to too many eyes, they can lose their luster or break into a million pieces. Learned that the hard way, I did.